you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
