I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
