I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
