Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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