the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
