I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
