You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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