You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
