Your face is a jimmy john
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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