Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
