Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
