he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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