I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
