wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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