If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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