dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
