ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
