Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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