xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
