at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
