I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
