You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
