i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
