the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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