I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
