Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
