Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
