I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
