i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
