Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
