Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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