the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
