Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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