so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
