maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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