At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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