I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
