I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
