last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
