I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
