i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
