Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
