you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
