i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
