My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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