Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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