dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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