i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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