Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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