You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
