Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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