Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
