How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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