he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
