bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Couch. On fire.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
